[Tuesday - 03/31/2009 - 6:27pm] hi. half public, half friends only.

dear mac users! [Wednesday - 11/28/2007 - 1:39pm] i now own a beautiful imac! give me pointers! i've been using that ibook for a while so i'm somewhat comfortable with most of mac os x but any random tips would be nice. this thing is AMAZING.

I FUCKING FOUND HER [Friday - 11/23/2007 - 2:52am] ALL ON MY OWN. AHHH I'M SO HAPPY. came home tonight and im walking to the door and i see a cat, waiting, but i scared it so it runs around the corner, and i heard a bell tinkle which immediately told me it was her. i dropped the food that i was carrying and went running after hear. i call her name but she doesnt come. i keep walking around, calling, hoping to see her, but nothing. then finally i just stand there, calling her name and eventually i hear a tiny meow and a tinkle and she comes cautiously from the alley. and i snatch her up and jump for joy and bring her inside. but now she wont stop growling/hissing at ET and i cant figure out why.. it makes me wonder if thats the reason jenny left to begin with.

[Monday - 11/12/2007 - 1:15am] kati is definitely a go for the moving situation. now all i have to do is find a new place to live. and of course this is going to be the relatively difficult part of this all. i got really lucky with this apartment because i have two cats and didn't have to pay a deposit, and my part of the rent was $250; pretty cheap. as i'm looking through these classified ads, i recall last year when savannah and i were doing the exact same thing, lying on gabe and novei's bed.. and how everything is expensive as hell. what i REALLY want to do is find some sort of place in downtown belleville that is upstairs of some bar, or something like that, and is somewhat affordable. but of course not everything works out like in the ideal world that i live in sometimes. i'll just have to try my best to find the best deal i can get. this week i also have to remember to do a lot of things.. get my traffic ticket taken care of, since my court date is THIS FRIDAY. i meant to get it done as soon as i got back from cali.. i called the guy and everything, and he said he would call me back and he hasn't! so really it's his fault.. but not really since i could have easily called him anytime. ALSO to remember, going to the dmv tuesday afternoon. i HATE that place with a passion as most people do, but i have to get this license plate / registering thing all figured out. i got my plates but they're registered in the eclipse that is now a crushed ball of silver. TATTOO EXPO. almost forgot to mention that. it was held at the city museum and i had a really good time. there was a bar, of course, and i was able to buy drinks!! that really shouldn't get me so excited but i'm just so tired of being the one thats under 21 and can't go. oh and i also got buie to buy me drinks so i was feelin pretty good and gettin a workout while crawling around like a small child. good times.

ATTN: anyone residing in or around California [Tuesday - 10/16/2007 - 5:57pm] we are driving through Arizona right now, and have plenty of time to stop places, in fact that's a big portion of our whole trip. So I'd love too meet up with anyone. we are hitting up a lot of places on the way to Cali and we are eventually heading up north for the red woods. Call or text my phone, 6186046878 :)

the storm is calling [Monday - 10/15/2007 - 1:52pm] i'm happy right now. ecstatic. a few days ago i was a mess and couldn't imagine how i was going to be able to pull myself out of it. but then i realized that maybe everything does happen for a reason. i need to learn how to control my emotions because there have been too many occasions where i jump the gun and assume the worst. i just have such an extreme personality sometimes and it's either intense highs or intense lows. i'm learning that i need to keep my family and friends closer than i ever have before, because people come and go but the ones that matter will stick around. and if they don't, then they're not worth it. i used to make myself believe things that weren't true, and it got to the point where i told so many lies that i couldn't distinguish between what was real and what was created through my imagination. that tool, my imagination, has so much potential and i was using it in the wrong way. i used to feel like such a stranger around the people that brought me into this world, and i felt like i could never relate. teenage angst, i think it was. the rebellion stage. they do so much for me and it made me realize what it's like to truly love someone so much that you will do anything in your power to make them happy, comfortable, and safe. i've been ungrateful, and i've been selfish, because i didn't know any better. i always thought, why should i waste my time with something that doesn't benefit myself? or, i'm the only person that's going to be here throughout everything so i'm the only one that matters. i've never been more wrong about anything in my life. that's why this world is in such shambles. i shouldn't have to cherish those times where a complete stranger will make you smile simply by a random act of kindness. i don't want to have to assume the worst about everyone until they prove me otherwise. but what can i do except try to be the best person i can and maybe i can brighten someone else's day like others have done for me. spread the love. i'm leaving for california today and i want to buy a journal so i can make a log of this trip. i want to gather a little something from every place we stop at, and write what's on my mind. or, if no words happen to come to mind then i want to recreate the images my mind is sketching. i just want something to remember.

say hello to my new car [Saturday - 10/13/2007 - 11:23pm] i lucked out with my insurance situation. i didn't have gap insurance, but since the accident was so soon after i bought the car, the value of my car at the time of the accident was pretty much the same amount that my loan was for, so i dont owe anything on it, and they're even giving me money back for the car alarm i JUST got installed [which will of course be put towards a new car alarm]. 2007 mazda 3 [mine is pitch black instead of charcoal grey] we decided to go with a brand new car instead of a used one because the price difference was only a couple thousand dollars and i'd be getting a lot more bang for my buck, like the warranty and WAY less miles. in fact mine only had 30 miles on it when i bought it. i'm crossing my fingers and hoping that another freak accident doesnt happen cause i might not get so lucky in round two..

are you fucking kidding me? [Thursday - 10/11/2007 - 2:20am] so remember that beautiful mitsubishi spyder convertible that i JUST bought? yeah it got totaled tonight. head on collision with a STOLEN CAR driven by a TWELVE year old at one in the morning. thats fucking st. louis for ya i got a scraped up forehead, scraped up arm, cut knee [??], a totaled car, and i'm pissed. i guess it's ok because it's not money out of my pocket, but i have to go car shopping AGAIN and i have to make sure i do it within the next FOUR DAYS or else i won't be able to go on my california trip. ISN'T THIS CONVENIENT?!?!?

I just dropped my computer. [Thursday - 09/27/2007 - 6:50pm] how did that happen? i don't understand people who jump from one relationship to another. single for not even a week. either.. is it really that horrible to be alone? or, do you really depend on another person that bad? i recently discovered i have a tan line on my nose from where my glasses sit.. and i'm pretty sure it happened from driving in my car with the top down all the time. good thing i always wear glasses.. these are random thoughts going through my head right now...i'd rather be writing these on paper and flowing with them.. maybe i'll go buy a notebook today. every day i forget more and more.. i just have to start documenting more so i can remember. but then again i've forgotten so much that it's like anything could have happened and it makes for interesting stories. i dont know if that made sense or not but i know what i'm talking about. i'm not gullible, i just like entertainment. let's see.... nope, nothing has changed. still the same old life. should be picking up soon though... if california really pulls through. I JUST CAUGHT ET IN THE ACT OF CHASING HER OWN TAIL. HAHA there she goes again. i love my little e tizzle.

how could you lay that slick faggot? [Friday - 08/24/2007 - 1:06am] My spine, two years after my surgery. The side view. I like how you can see my piercings, ha. ( some pretty good photos my friend Dustin took of me ) Today I worked an open to close at the worst job ever. Talk about a day in hell. Luckily I got to go home for a few hours so I didn't have to be there for nearly 14 hours straight. I probably would have gone crazy. Going out of town next weekend for schwag is going to be the BEST VACATION EVER. I can't wait. I'm excited to meet tons of awesome new people, and smoke nothing but great bud. And also, the time off work. Fuck yeah. Then the weekend after that I'm going to Decatur to see Femme play at bounce fest. I like mini vacations even if they aren't far away. Soon I want to take a trip down to Texas mostly so I can get my sleeve worked on more. That would be amazing.

If you didn't already know... [Wednesday - 08/22/2007 - 3:29am] I really wish I wrote in this fucking thing more often. I really need to actually pretend like this is some sort of JOURNAL. Because that's why I even have this thing, right? I can't pick and choose what I'm going to write about. I just write whatever the fuck is flowing through my brain at the time and whatever said has been said and if anyone has any opposition then they can take it up with me. I'm sick and tired of filtering my life. It's not worth it anymore. There's so much that I should be documenting right now that isn't and will most likely be lost somewhere in the near future. I can't remember anything now a fucking days and sometimes I have trouble telling the difference between what is real and what is not real. My dreams start flowing with reality and everything seems to match up but for some reason I can't see it. I can't see what is really happening and I just let myself crumble. And fall. I have a very limited list of what I do honestly care about more than anything in the world and the past few weeks, months, years, this list has been getting smaller and smaller. The day I dread is the day that there is no list and I have nothing left to lose. I'm scared of what will happen then. I think this is the most that I've actually written from my heart in a long time. I'm just so used to storing everything in this little space that just gets locked away and thrown out forever. Nothing gets talked about and nothing gets solved. I know there's not a solution to everything but how can you even know if you don't even try? I will fight to find the will to try.

For the art show in October [Thursday - 07/26/2007 - 10:33pm] I had my photoshoot earlier this week. Not all of the pictures are like the one above. ( a couple more ) if you want to see them all, you can go to blueshadowpics.com, click on 'purchase', click on my name [Kelsey if you didn't know hah], and then type in the password 'zombie'.

Sicko [Friday - 07/13/2007 - 12:00pm] I'm not really a big Michael Moore fan but has anyone seen Sicko yet? Someone posted the whole thing online and I watched most of it with Shelby the other night. Some of the things discussed made me really upset with the way "my" country's government wants to run things like health care. I liked the way some of those people put it.. if these other countries can put forth so much effort into taking care of their own people, why can't America do the same? Even Cuba, a country of little resources still makes that effort. Are we really just all about making money? I've never had a problem with insurance before. Only because my Dad was in the military for oh gosh, I don't know, 30 something years. So of course I was included in his coverage plans. I had my back surgery for free, which was something like $16,000. My glasses and my contact lenses, mostly all paid for. I didn't know by who but I didn't care because I didn't have to pay anything for something that I was born with. Today my dad e-mails me and tells me that once I turned 19, his vision insurance dropped me off their plan. Great timing, too, because I was due for another eye exam, and my glasses are damn near broken. So now I don't know where I'm going to get the money to buy new glasses, or possibly even new contacts, since I was considering going back to the lenses full-time. I didn't plan on being legally blind but I guess now I'm going to have to deal with the consequences for the rest of my life. Until I can finally afford Lasik, that is. Any opinions on this subject? Not necessarily eye vision, but just the general idea of the documentary and health care and such.

new kitten! [Wednesday - 07/4/2007 - 12:09am] her name is elliott taylor. or ET for short. she's got big eyes, a big head, and kind of looks like ET hah. jenny isn't so fond of her yet but she's softened up a LITTLE bit since elliott came so hopefully in time they will grow to love each other.. or maybe hate each other. who knows.

I thought this was odd.. [Thursday - 06/28/2007 - 9:00pm] I don't really pay much attention to astrology and horoscopes, but I was bored and checked mine today. Remember my last entry about my frustration with work? "You are feeling a need today for something that goes beyond your regular paycheck. You're seeking more than recognition and acknowledgment. You need to know that your work has meaning. Nevertheless, you aren't prepared to give up the stability that your job provides. There's no need to make any changes, even if you are frustrated. Keep your thoughts to yourself for now; you'll know when it's time to act." It sucks because no matter how much I want to quit this job, I can't. I have bills to pay. People to pay. And I don't have a car and this job is the best thing I'm going to get for now. So I guess when a better opportunity rolls around I'll jump on it. JENNY HAS BEEN MEOWING NON STOP ALL DAY. I seriously can't take it. She's going through heat and I know it. And it doesn't help that we've been gone on vacation for a few days. I feel bad for her. I really need to get another kitten for her to play with.

graffiti turtles [Sunday - 06/17/2007 - 7:18pm] my brother showed up to my parents house today with a turtle he had found while he was on his float trip. he wrote on its back [found in blahblah, MO 6-16-07, relocated to troy, IL] and let it go in the trees behind their house. and all i could think of was, poor little guy. he gets taken from his home, his family, his friends, gets his shell drawn on and then just gets thrown into a place he doesn't know. how he is supposed to make friends when he looks like that? maybe i'm just weird.

[Thursday - 06/14/2007 - 5:27pm] ps. ( the half sleeve is almost finished )

[Sunday - 02/11/2007 - 11:50pm] check it out, i'm deleting everyone [minus the select few obvious people i will keep] because half of the journals i have added are abandoned, or are multiples of one person from moving journals, or just.. you know. so if you want me to add you back, let me know.

I'm addicted to piercings. [Thursday - 12/14/2006 - 8:13am] Kati and I drove out to Columbia, Missouri [like 2 and a half hours away] on a complete spur of the moment to get free piercings at Hollywood Rebels by our friend John who used to live in Belleville. We got there at like midnight, Jeremy, Ryan, Zagk and Derek all got tattoos. Kati and I got our nipples pierced. Then I got both of my ears pierced above my plugs so I can start gauging those. And Kati got her lip pierced again. It was a very, very sore night. The best part though? Derek getting 'Jeremy' tattooed on his ASS because he lost a fucking bet. And Ryan almost went back to this hotel with two fourty year old ladies to smoke because one of them was wearing a 'Got Weed?" shirt and apparently Ryan wanted to steal their weed or some of their stuff or something. Hahahaha my friends are fucking ridiculous.

[Tuesday - 03/28/2006 - 12:49pm] It's my birthday!

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